That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
