I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
