Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
