my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
