so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
