I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
