im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am naked and annoyed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
