I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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