If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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