I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
