id be glad to
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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