I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
