I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize