Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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