His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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