This is not my ceiling
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
