he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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