I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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