that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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