I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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