We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize