Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
