a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
