I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
