I want to have your abortion
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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