he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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