I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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