Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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