He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
