That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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