Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
