I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
