I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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