Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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