You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
