And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
