I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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