There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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