dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
