Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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