I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
