YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
