also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
only if we run a train.
done.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize