If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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