I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
