So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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