My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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