Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i love accidental penises.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
