Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
