I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
