oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
