Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize