Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize