I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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