Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
