She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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