I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
