As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
