The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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