I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
