do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
