WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
