So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
