i just had sex bonerless
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
