he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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