well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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