Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
