He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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