Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
