Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
