And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
