wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
