Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
