They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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