I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
