so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am available for nakedness
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
