I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
